It was a birthday bash to remember. We hit Bangkok from all over the place. That’s me, and a stack of mates who were on travels or working in Asia. 

They came over from Hong Kong, up from Singapore and from KL. 

The idea was to meet up, hit the bars, get hammered and grab as much of the local talent as we could. 

The plan was to start on the Friday night and just carry on through the weekend until the money or the energy ran out – or both. 

So we were well into things in Cowboy, and we went right into Rawhide to see the show. 

Terrific, as ladies fired bananas at us, one girl produced a string of paper flowers from her privates and another blew candles out. 

Where in the world can you get such entertainment? So we moved on and the drinks turned from beer to spirits to B52’s. 

From what I remember, some one told me they had a special birthday present for me. 

I was pretty well gone by then but my eyes bulged, as well as other parts of my anatomy on sight of the beautiful curvy creature who was presented to me along with a rousing chorus of 

“Happy Birthday to Yoooo”

So me, and this lovely lady got talking and she said her name was Oi from Isaan, and her family were very poor, and well, you know the story. “I go with yoo, your friends pay bar already” she purred. 

Well even in my drunken state I thought I had to make the most of my birthday present and after all, the lads had clubbed together for her bar fine and apparently paid her in advance for any extras. 

They are great mates, I thought. 

So, we left the bar and headed off to my hotel, amidst great cheers and “Go for it my son” from all the gang, Thinking back now, I remember they all had huge wide grins and I thought “ Its not that funny”. 

Anyway this girl was all over me like a rash in the taxi. The taxi driver had a massive grin from ear to ear.

By the time we got to the hotel, she’d bitten my neck all over the place and I Iooked like I’d been in a traffic accident. 

The doorman opened the hotel door, and he had a huge grin from ear to ear.

Ahh, every ones so happy in this country, The Land of Smiles.

We got up to my room, and she said, “I take shower now” Trying to keep my self in a state which might mean I could manage at least one go with this girl, I drank black coffee and waited for her to come out from the shower, which she did. 

She had a short top on and nothing else “ Oh my God” I gasped as she stood, bottom half naked and her male parts pronounced and ready for attention. 

“You are not er…… I muttered” I could see she was not er….. at all. 

“You like?” she moaned, and I have to say it was a very sexy moan. 

But no, this is a Lady boy. The b*******, they bought me a Ladyboy for my birthday. 

All the grins came flooding back. The guys in the bar, the taxi driver, the doorman…… and I’ve got a load of love bites on my neck. Oh Noooooo…… 

All this went through my head in minutes, What do I say when I get back to work in Singapore, and even worse try to explain to my very conservative girlfriend what all those marks are? She thought we were on a golfing weekend. 

“ Did you have a nice time in Thailand dear.” 

“Yes thank you, honey, I went to a go go bar and took a Ladyboy back to my hotel.” Oh nooooooo…….. 

Oi had to go, of course. So I apologised, and said there had been a huge mistake and really I like girls with the right bits, and while I think you are very, very attractive for a guy, I think it best if you just head off back to your bar…… and please don’t mention this to anyone I know. 

I gave her 1,000 Baht, so she did well out of our night together considering she’d already had an advance from my mates. 

Next morning I rang around and met up with the guys, who couldn’t contain themselves. “Enjoy your birthday present did you”... looking at the still vivid purple bites on my neck. 

I’ve got to say after a while I saw the funny side of it, but trying to square it with the GF in Singapore, that was tricky. 

Don’t you just love Thailand?